One of my biggest problems in life is that I always compare myself to others.
I feel like most people were born under a special star, and I just missed it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know there are lots of people worse off than me, I am not stupid. Sometimes when I am feeling real sorry for myself I try to tell myself something like, “at least you are not a three limbed orphan in Africa” or some bullshit like that. But does that ever really work? It is hard to put yourself into that context when you are in the context you are in now and you can’t change your present or your surroundings.
In today’s busy North American ostentatious lifestyle, it’s easy to say to yourself, “Why not me.” I fight it, I claw at it, and wish it could be broken down with one giant swipe. But sometimes it knocks me down, and at those times I have trouble breathing.
I say to myself, Laurie you are a good person, I never delibertly hurt anyone. EVER. I do more for people than most people do, and my heart is three sizes too big. Yet I never seem to have anything. I’ve always wished I’ve had other people’s parents, a bigger house, a boyfriend, a vacation, a new dress. Things just seem easier for other people. And as one of the only people I am close with who is not going on a vacation, not in a relationship and not super close with her parents, it is easy for me to compare my life, to all the other little picture perfect cutouts. And I don’t want to resent anyone. And I don’t want to make them feel sorry for me. I just wish I could come to peace with my life, as it is, now. And I wish I could truly believe that good things are coming.
So here it is universe,
That what goes around comes around,
and mine is super shiny and has a unicorn horn and is on its way.
At least that’s my intention.