I struggle with normality

I wish I was more normal.

Everyone thinks that right? It is really something that I am struggling with lately.

I mean I have always struggled with that, why do we all want to be so much like others? Because it is so much easier to be like others. Because it feels good to fit into something. Because it is nice to be a part of a puzzle, and have a home.

But always I have had trouble with this. I know that I should want a husband, and babies and such. Mostly because my family has been shoving this down my throat my whole life. Called my grandmother last night, “Hey Grandma I am starting a small business.” Grandma: “Do you have a boyfriend?” I swear to god, I could bring home a 3 foot person with a disability and my mom would be happy I brought home a man. If he has a penis. Nobody cares what I do in “my life”.

The thing is I am very challenging and I love alone time. I love to read, and I need time to think. Being with someone all the time is not appealing to me.

I guess I am just trying to figure things out.

And tell myself,

I am not the worst

for not wanting

what everyone else does.

Sometimes I think I do,

but I guess I don’t need to know that right this second.

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