And it can’t be writing my ex sad emails, 100 times a day,
if someone does not want to be with you. I guess eventually you have to accept it, regardless of how much it hurts. I mean, what can you do? You can’t force someone to be with you, and you can’t be with someone who does not really love you for exactly who you are.
Doesn’t that hurt though? And isn’t that the very bone of the human condition. YOU CAN’T CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE. And there are so many levels of suffering, and sometimes you will suffer. Everyone suffers. Everyone feels pain. And pain is so relative. I feel like I am going to die because my boyfriend left me, I feel like I psychically can not get up and go to work. But here I am, at work.
Some people will wake up this morning in Gaza, and their son is dead and their life is filled with fear and loud sounds. Their pain is strong, and yet they will keep living. That’s the thing, everyone keeps marching on. And it seems like you can’t continue, like it’s impossible to continue, but you do.
Humans are incredibly resilient beings. How we keep moving, how we keep going sometimes just seems like a miracle in itself.
That is the only thing that I can think,
that is must get easier, that it must keep lighter, that pain is a human emotion that we must experience to know what is joy.
I feel heavy, like I will never be lighter, like waking up six times a night to scream or cry will become normal. But I will know that normal isn’t pain. And that pain is normal. It’s a catch 22 of human shit.