the list

Things on my mind:

Start smoking again, keep with being quit, become an alcoholic, try to stop drinking, do my nails tonight, pluck my eyebrows, give up on caring about any of that at all, believe the world is shit, take up a new religion, concentrate on mindfulness, start to exercise, let myself cry whenever I want, try to never cry again. Lock myself in my room and read self-help books, believe I can never get better, save all my money and go on vacation, realize I am the kind of person who never gets to go on vacation.Give up on finding a new job, put all my energy into finding a new job. Survive. Give up. Try to take this as an opportunity to learn what I want about love. Give up on love, realize it is not for me. Read a bunch of books about finding my soul mate, stay in bed all Winter. Go out more often. Get in real good shape. Allow myself to get fat. Volunteer more. Wallow. Don’t wallow. Take more baths. Write more letters to people I have lost touch too. Call my grandmother. Don’t talk to anyone. Realize that nothing lasts forever. Stop believing. Believe more. Pet my dog and dress her up in dresses. Hold her like a baby. Yell at her when she tries to get away from me. Masturbate more. Don’t masturbate at all, it is too lonely. Start running. Get out of your head. Learn to make a necklace. Learn to sew. Learn to knit. Tell my brother I love him more often. Get a grip. Cook a dish I never made before. Stop eating. Force myself to dance more. Be grateful. Realize you never had anything at all. Image

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