I have trouble looking around the bend, too far in the future.

I have never been one that knows which bump is coming next, or even what bump I wish was on the path.

I don’t know what I want.


I am empty. I said it.

I don’t make goal boards, or lists of things to do beyond next week.

Because I have never been sure. I have never known deep down what it is I am looking for.

But I move along,

and mostly I am modestly happy.

I feel pressure weighing down on me from others, and sometimes myself. about what it is I want.

People want charts and graphs, explaining the path of my life to them.

But I’ve never known, one thing one way or another. I feel like I am a ball, bouncing between walls and being content where I fall.

I fall and I think about where my next bounce will be.


I am 32 years old, and those around me are changing their paths with children and houses, cars and marriages, savings and vacation packages.

I forgot I was supposed to make a decision, I am appalled that time has crept about to me like this, I feel physically trapped under a couch, heavy and suffocating. Overwhelmed with decisions,  and how can you be sure?

I have never known anything for sure.

Except perhaps my unabridged love for dogs and hamburgers.

But where does this leave me?


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