I am having a very bad day.
Consumed in feelings of jealously and rage. Wondering how the hell I ever got to this place and how I am not on the same page.
Twelve years ago drinking and having fun with my friends, no one owned houses then and I forgot it would all end.
But I remember now. I feel the etchings burning in my brain remembering every second how little I have and how no houses will be coming my way.
Should I have worked harder and tried to find a different life?
Should I have flirted more and wore low cut shirts and tried to be a fancy rich wife?
Would it be better to have relied on a man
And never learned to take my own stand.
I should have never traveled across the world on my own, perhaps I should have never taken a student loan.
Occasionally I feel like what’s the point, what’s the deal?
I should have been a dumb girl and learned how to steal.
Where has being kind and always giving it my all
Gotten me except into a little ball?
Why always volunteer, why always be nice,
I am further behind than most assholes twice.